Working with a difficult colleague?
Dealing with an overly difficult or even toxic colleague (or boss) can be challenging and stressful. Unfortunately there’s no “one magic solution” that can be applied, and its more likely that each of the situations you may encounter will require a different approach. But here are some approaches I’ve found to be useful over the years:
Assess the situation: Consider whether the offending person’s behavior is genuinely toxic or if it's just a case of poor communication or misunderstanding between you both. It is also important that you distinguish between occasionally vented frustrations by that person versus consistently toxic behavior. If the former, are you able to find any correlations to key timing deadlines? For instance, I had a colleague who would become especially difficult every 2nd Monday morning - eventually I learned that these vented stresses coincided with returning his children to an ex-partner and we were able to take measures to support him with this.
Document incidents: Keep a record of any toxic behavior or difficult interactions with the person. Note down dates, times, and specific details of each incident. Try to be as impartial and objectively factual as possible with your notes. This documentation will be useful to help you with clarity for the frequency and level of difficult behaviours, and may also help you if you need to escalate the situation later.
Maintain professionalism: Regardless of the person's behavior, it's essential to remain professional and composed. Respond to their communications in a polite and respectful manner. This will help you maintain your integrity and make it easier to address the situation constructively.
Set clear boundaries: If the person's behavior is making you uncomfortable, it can be helpful to communicate your concerns to that person directly. We appreciate that most people try to avoid any type of confrontation at all costs, but by staying silent, its arguably a condonement of the person’s behaviour. It is however important that you calmly express your expectations for professional treatment and ask the person to modify their behavior accordingly. Be clear and specific about the issues you have noticed. Ask if there is anything you are doing that is contributing to the person’s behaviours. I know this approach can sometimes be very difficult, for fear of seniority differences, fear of reprisals, fear of antagonising the person further. You may however find that the person is suprised and shocked that they’re having such a poor impact on yourself and others.
Communicate with peer colleagues of the offending person, or possibly their boss. If the persons's behavior persists despite your attempts to address it directly, consider reaching out to someone with the “authority” to manage it, or possibly your company’s HR representative. Provide a detailed account of the situation, including any documented incidents. Request a resolution or ask for assistance in finding a different point of contact who can help to solve the issues.
Seek support: Talk to friends, mentors, or colleagues who may have experienced similar situations. They can offer guidance, advice, and emotional support. Sharing your experiences with others can also provide perspective and help you determine the best course of action.
Explore alternative options: If the toxic behavior continues or if the situation becomes unbearable, you may need to consider other job opportunities either within a different department or business unit, or possibly within a new company altogether.
Remember that each situation is unique, and these steps may need to be adapted to fit your specific circumstances. It's essential to prioritize your own well-being and maintain a healthy and positive professional environment. You certainly shouldn’t feel obligated to “endure” a toxic colleague, especially when doing so negatively impacts your mental health and/or professional growth.
About the Author
Ian Mael is valued across his HR network for his diligent communications and authentic partnerships. As the leader for interim HR executive hires at Carter Morris, he brings over 15 years of recruitment experience for multi sector hires within demanding deadlines for the full range of specialist roles within the HR profession.